Something to Do

I have been trying to figure out what to blog about and can't come up with anything SOOOOO I took some self portraits. I know some of you miss seeing my smiling face all the time so I thought I would make it possible for you to see it any time you would like. Cause I know EVERYONE wants a photo of me!

Michele

Despair

I realized that the word "despair" is not in my vocabulary, except when I am laughing at despair.com Seriously, I am ever the optimist. I have NEVER once in my life felt that my life was terrible and sad. For some reason though, some people think that when I have had a bad day and vent my emotions, or even when I have had a good day and vent my emotions, that I am discouraged and feel like Heavenly Father doesn't know me.

Let me tell everyone, I NEVER have felt that way.

Seriously, NEVER.

Yes I have had hard times but I have never felt like I have been left alone. I am told that others feel this way when they are having a hard time or feel like things are going well for them but this isn't my life.
I appreciate the words of encouragement that come from my friends to remind me that Heavenly Father always knows of my needs, wants and desires and that he will never forget me. But please don't fret and worry that I am not aware of this. Even on my most horrible days, that feeling of being alone just doesn't happen to me. This is probably due to a combination of things such as knowing I have friends who care so very much for me, and a husband who would do anything in the world for me, including laying down his life if that is what it took. But even before this, through all the trials I have been through every single day I am able to look at my life and know how blessed I am and that I am grateful for it. Anything else that comes along, well that is just a bonus.

Memorial Day Weekend

I love Memorial Day. I always have. I grew up within a few blocks of the Salt Lake Cemetery. Every Memorial Day we went and visited the graves of my great-grandma, Mary Jane and my aunt, Kathy. (My aunt was hit by a car 3 days before my mom turned 14.) Now we have my grandparents right there and so many other relatives I know about including Rick's grandparents.
Cemeteries have never been creepy or anything like that for me because of that. In fact, I really like them. I have all sorts of photos of cemeteries in New Orleans and England. I have dragged Rick all over the Salt Lake Valley taking photos of headstones. And one of my favorite places in all of Park City is an old cemetery that is tucked away next to the ski resort.
I feel bad living in apartment and not having flowers I can pick to take to the cemetery for Memorial Day. I miss going out into the yard and picking handfuls of lilies of the valley or cutting snowballs from the trees to put on my family's graves.
I do love thinking of all of the stories I know about these ancestors. All of the trials and suffering they went through for me. I like even more the stories that make me laugh. That show me how real these people were, not just names and dates.
Not only do I like the cemetery and thinking of ancestors, let us not forget the most important part:

Memorial day is the opening of our swimming pool! W00T!

Pregnant Women Are Smug

I thought this was hilarious. My cousin, who also has fertility problems and a sister who just gave birth 2 weeks ago, sent this to me.

Fighting Off the Emotional Freight Train

Today I have a plethora of emotions running through me. Let me tell you about some of these emotions:

I received a job offer today. My second this month. This is the one I decided to accept. I am really excited about it. There is also fear of a new unknown.

I called to tell my mom about it. She was some what excited but went on to complain about how she doesn't have enough money to pay for the co-pays for my sister's broken arm and blah blah blah about how broke she is. This mad me feel really sad and guilty. I seriously need to learn how to eliminate those emotions. (We don't even want to start down the road as to why I feel guilty.)

I was able to talk with a friend of mine on the phone for an hour. It made me feel so happy to know someone cares.

I was able to talk online with a friend who also reminded me that there are lots of people who care about me and are excited for me in this new job. This made me feel grateful.

I picked up the mail with a statement from our insurance company telling me that my visit to the doctor when I was on my death bed is a "pre-existing condition". This is a phrase I don't like to use but WTF?!? This made me VERY angry. (Yes I had to get out my angry eyes.)

I also had a copy of the bill from the orthopedic doctor who checked out my elbow. He decided I had carpool tunnel in BOTH wrists and that I HAVE to have surgery for them. I just get to decide when. After going to physical therapy twice it eliminated the problem in my ELBOW! What I went to see him for in the first place. Again, insurance is telling me that I have to pay this, angering me even more. (Yes I have anger issues.)

Then my dear Rick just called me. He often doesn't even have time to call me while he is at work but he did have about 4 minutes today. He let me talk and vent and cry the entire time. Rick always brings such feelings of calmness and sanity to my life.

So here we are...
We have the engine of Excitement and Fear. Right behind are Sadness and Guilt. Fortunately right behind them are Happiness and bring Grateful. (oh crap I just remembered all the emotions I went through in turning down a job too. Let's revisit, Guilt.) Car #7 was Anger. And not car #7 but VERY Angry was car #8 too. My caboose is larger than most full of Calmness and Sanity.

And now that I have written this, I feel much better. I think this calls for some Crazy Train on Guitar Hero followed by a long hot bath and reading. (Maybe I can find some naked women to join me too cause we all know that naked curvy woman make everything better!)

Oh yeah, I forgot also to mention, my period is due any moment now.
I think it is the engineer on this crazy freight train!

I LOVE Labels

I love labels from label makers. I had label makers at my last 2 jobs but sadly I no longer have one. =(
I can across this little article while reading a magazine the other day. I mentioned it to a friend of mine and thought I would just post it here for all to see. When I was in Seattle I noticed that my stepmom had labels on EVERYTHING. It was SO awesome! I love her organization and hope someday to have a home as organized as hers.
As for the purging...I do need help with that. I always think, if I get rid of it now, I am going to need it later so I just tuck it away. Guess I need to work on that one.

Here's to Happy Cleaning!

Old Boyfriends

When I was going to USU back in 2001 I had a boyfriend named Matt. Matt actually lived in Salt Lake. We met each other every Wednesday night in Layton for dinner and then on the weekends I came home. I pretty much lived at his house other than for sleeping, and even then I did a lot of sleeping there too. We got along alright but Matt was headed towards marriage and I knew that if I married him for eternity, I would have to kill him. He was a nice guy but he was an engineer. I am sorry but I could not live with an engineer. (Trust me, I dated enough of them, my uncle is one....yeah, not my cup of tea or water as the case may be.) So eventually we broke up. It took some time as he didn't want to let me pull the band aid off quickly. We did become really good friends at one point. Seriously, we even got so we could hang out. Sometimes making out, sometimes not.
SO....
Matt ended up marrying and buying a house right near my mom. I have run in to him a few times at the grocery store. All before I was married. One time though, Rick and I were there and did see him. He didn't see me and I just laughed to my self thinking...oh crap I could have had that?!? Thank you, NO! Rick asked me...you dated him?!? Yeah... Guess I needed to get out of the house.
I was at the same grocery store yesterday getting stuff for Marissa. As I pulled into the parking lot I thought, hmmm I wonder who I am going to see today. Maybe I will get lucky and see Matt.
As I was getting ready to check out, in the distance I saw a guy who looked familiar with his wife. Hot diggitie! It was Matt! So of course I went over to say hi.
I had never met his wife, only heard about her from him back during their first year of marriage about 3 or 4 years ago. I said hi and asked how he was. I don't think I have ever seen someone looked so shocked in my life. It was AWESOME! Seriously, his mouth was hanging open. He did say, "I thought you looked familiar." He seemed to be off in his own little world...nothing new there...so I introduced myself to his wife as a friend from a long time ago. I didn't want to make her feel too awkward. I asked how life was treating them, how many children they have now and blah blah blah. Then as I was about to leave, I turned to her and told her what beautiful eyes she had. (I really meant it to!) But I knew that would so irritate him that I felt comfortable enough to say something like that.
Now you might not find this all that funny. Rick didn't appreciate it like I would have liked but he had already made fun of him with me last time we saw him. But man I sure got a kick out of the shocked expression on his face. It truly was priceless and it also reminded me, NEVER leave home without a bra, real clothing and make up. You just never know who you will run into.

(I am sorry but I didn't have a digital camera back then and I don't think I ever took a photo of him.)

A Small Price to Pay: An Update on My Illness and Other Things You Probably Don't Care to Know

I am a vain person. Just ask my mom and sisters. I have had several surgeries because of my vanity. Some I will own up to, some I won't. The boobs ~ Nope they are real! I tan for hours every summer because heaven forbid I be pale. My vanity includes having 2 moles removed from my face, just because I didn't like them (ok my mom was nagging me to get them off too. There is a reason this vanity was created!) along with going to the spa and even a plastic surgeon to have the little red lines removed from under my eyes. (I went through laser treatments to remove them. I looked like I had been beat up for a few days but after the scabs were gone, no more little broken blood vessels. They also removed other red spots from my arms and torso. I had a really bad one on my forehead that I had zapped 7 times before going to the plastic surgeon who was able to remove it in one blast!)

Here we are 3 weeks after I developed a rash on my legs, which eventually spread to every part of my body except my face. Some places it was worse than others such as my left arm and my legs. They were covered completely. The rash is mostly gone now but I am still splotchy and very dry. And to be honest, I think it might stay this way. Normally I would freak out. It is like having age spots at the age of 33. (Trust me I have wondered if I could go and have them sand blasted off.) But no, I have finally come to realize that having something like this on my body is not the end of the world. It is ok to not have perfect skin...not that I ever had it but still you get my point.

So that brings me to the update on my illness. I had a virus. What virus it was, no one knows. It was one that did not like me and my body did not like it. My body did not like it enough that it caused me to have an auto immune reaction which hit very heavily in my legs. I can walk again with out pain. My knees and ankles are still very tender and probably will be for some time. I spoke with my doctor on Tuesday this week. The rheumatoid arthritis and lupus tests did come back negative but the test that measures swelling was still very high. My blood was drawn on the previous Tuesday though and I have improved greatly since that doctor's visit. My doctor sounded very relived to hear I was doing better. (I have been going to him since I was 16 so we have a good relationship.) I am to call him once a week for the next 2-3 weeks to give him am update on my progress but as for right now, no appointment with any specialists is needed. YAY! Other than the tenderness and my cankles and feet still get swollen during the day, I really feel back to normal and I am going to try and play tennis next Monday.

For those I haven't told, I went to a Jazz game and to dinner 5 days before I became sick. Everyone is pretty sure I picked something up along the way because that incubation period is just right for a virus. No one else I know has become sick either. One thing I never had though was a sore throat or a runny nose.

I am so happy to be feeling better now. I know that Rick is so happy to have me feeling better and back to normal. And I have learned, I don't need to be quite so vain!

Twilight - Rick's Thoughts

Rick bought me Twilight for my birthday. Since then we have watched it twice together. Both times he wanted to watch it. (I have watched it one or two times besides the ones with him.) He also asked me to get the book from the library for him. He read it in 4 days. That is about how long it took me!

Rick calls me every night on his way home from work. It is a nice time to just chat with nothing else going on. It is a good time for him to decompress and get all he wants to about work out so by the time he gets home we don't have to deal with work and can just have time together. Last night he called me and right off the bat he wanted to talk Twilight. Here is generally how our conversation went:

Rick "So talking about the book versus the movie, (He assumed I knew what he was talking about even though it took me a moment.) I like to think of myself as Edward but not being a Vampire, but I like to think we have a good relationship like they do. Do you think they showed the passion and love they have for each other in the movie?"

Michele "No I really don't. And you know, when I read the book I thought of us as being Bella and Edward. But dood, you need the car."

Rick "So you really think we have passion like that?"

Michele "Yes I do. I think that we are both so deeply in love with each other."

Rick "I am glad cause I do too. It isn't just a I want to have sex with you love either."

Michele "You are right, it isn't lust but it is a deep passion. Unconditional love."

Rick "Yeah! So I need a new car, but I want it to have the shift paddles on the steering wheel. Think Volvo does that?"

Here is where the conversation went on to discuss cars and other things. We did discuss in the movie that Edward needs to show how much he loves Bella more. That there are a few scenes in the movie where he looks happy and like he wants to be with her and those are great.

The point is...I have such an awesome husband! He is totally a romantic. He is into the Twilight series as much as I am and he wants to make sure we have that type of passion between us, even if it is fictional and sometimes people don't think that it is real.

Let me tell you, passion like that is REAL and it is ALIVE between Rick and me!

Note to self...

if you spill Tylenol in the middle of the night on the stove and it falls down under the burner, pull it out right then. Even if you think you are going to die. Because you will not remember to tell someone the next morning to get it out and when you turn the burner on the next time, your house will fill of smoke, setting off all your smoke detectors even though the ceiling fans are already on and the smell of burnt plastic. That's right...1 tiny burnt Tylenol produces MASSIVE amounts of smoke and smells just like burnt plastic.

W00T for Me!

So I enter to win things on Oh Sweet Sadie! and that other blog with the craziness, Seriously Blessed. I never win but today...well yesterday... I did! Guess that means I actually have to go do the boutique to get my prize this weekend. The swelling in my legs better go down by then or Rick is going to have to go into the Lion's Den.

Are You Smarter Than a Doctor?

While laying on death's doorstep these past week, I composed some pretty funny blogs. Of course now that I am totally coherent again I don't really remember a single thing. Let me tell you about this HORRENDOUS illness that befell me.
Tuesday Night - muscle aches and pains woke me up several times during the night
Wednesday Day - muscle aches and pains worsen but I chalked them up to tennis from Monday
Wednesday Night - more intense muscle aches and pains woken me much of the night
Thursday Day - I am thinking, I have the flu cause my body is just hurting, joints and muscles
Thursday Evening - I notice a rash on my lower legs. Similar to the one in the photo of my arm
Thursday Night - the fever kicking in around 101. It broke at least once
From here on it is just a mix of swollen joints, muscles aches, fevers coming and going, a headache that wouldn't stop and a rash covering my legs and some of my arms.

Saturday morning Rick had to work so I went to get some Tylenol myself, bad idea. I ended up passing out in the kitchen. Fortunately, I knew it was coming and helped myself go down.
Rick took me to insta-care on Saturday. The doctor there couldn't figure out what was wrong so he ordered several blood tests. The MA couldn't get my vein because I was slightly dehydrated. He poked around a bit and found it BUT he couldn't get all the blood that was needed because the vein collapsed just as I told him he needed to stop and get me some juice because I was about to pass out. Then an RN came back and she found a vein on the other side with no troubles. The immediate tests came back saying that my white cells were morphed...which was good cause it meant they were working but everything else looked just right. We waited to get the rest back on Sunday and were told again that all but one of the tests were good. The ESR though was 55 and it should only be 20. This told them that either I have a viral infection, lupus or rhumatoid arthritis.
Monday morning Rick took me to our regular clinic. They took forever to wait on me, until I started getting light headed again. The problem this time, the vomitting had started Sunday night. I couldn't keep down literally a teaspoon of water. When Rick told them that I was going to pass out they got me in a room pretty darn quick. Again though, the doctor couldn't not figure out what was wrong but he was sure it was a virus rather than anything worse. He told me that I would not die.
I was given a shot for the nausea and I am very grateful I had enough fluid in me that I really wasn't dehydrated enough for the hospital. Rick was actually getting pretty worried that was where I was headed though because I was NOT improving. Poor Rick was even losing sleep worrying about me because really it was just getting worse every day until Tuesday.

I think I might have been awake for 4 hours total from Sunday night until Tuesday morning. Tuesday morning I finally felt like I was back in the land of the living. Here it is Wednesday and I mentally feel great. I am still swollen enough that I can't stand or even sit up and my rash is fading drastically BUT I am not going to die.

So if you have any ideas of what this virus is please let me know cause the doctor's sure couldn't figure it out.

My Easter Scrapbook Pages

Kenzie in Ads Now

This is my brother...

Easter 2009

What would Easter be without an Easter Egg Hunt then some Rock Band?